when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks
and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”
and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”
and then he’d spin around
there was my brother
wow chubby babies are literally the cutest I could just eat them up
ok wow my url definitely makes this problematic
in australia we don’t have mistletoe so we just have to kiss under the influence
me trying to think of a good insult: youre a fucking potato floor
Shhhh, I still like Ringo.
a boy and a girl are sitting together on a bench after a romantic date. “can i kiss you?” the boy says. the girl nods and the boy pulls out black and white face paint and starts putting it on her face. “you’re going to be gene simmons” he whispers.